Toastmasters 2 - Organize your speech - Hated it, learnt it, love it.

I was more nervous doing this second speech than the first one. Not quite sure why, perhaps because I was third which was a long wait and perhaps because it was a bit personal about Lorna and I was worried that talking about her can make me cry.
However feedback was that I looked less nervous so just goes to show that what you feel doesn't necessarily come out in what you look like.

The word of the day was frugal which I managed to get in there too. Hurrah!
I lost the train of what I was saying after the bit about liking everything about the yellow dress. But I managed to just pause for a while as I remembered rather than losing the plot all together.

Title - Hated it, learnt it, love it

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had.
And add some extra just for you.
Philip Larkin

Mr Toastmaster, fellow toastmasters and guests

I am going to talk to you about why I hated sewing, how I learnt to love it and why loving it doesn't mean I am turning in to my mum.

Guess which one is me? Yes! The one in yellow! I was 8. We didn't have to wear school uniform, although you can see most people did. My mum made this dress and I loved it, I loved the colour, I loved the little puffy sleeves, I loved everything about it - and felt the green top underneath just set it off nicely. My mum believed in not conforming and thought I should go for the photo wearing something I loved. I hadn't thought about the matter as I wasn't really aware that other people would notice what I wore.
After the hoo-ha caused by the other parents complaining to the school because the photo was ruined and then all the children complaining to me because their parents were upset I decided that conforming was very important. I insisted on school uniform after this and put a lot of effort in to being 'normal' for many years. My parents didn't really cooperate with this program.
Obviously it now seems unreasonable to blame this incident on the fact that my mum had made the dress. But I guess I was only 8 and deeply traumatised. So although I learnt to do many things from my mum, I refused to learn how to sew, as I HATED it!

Then, not long ago my mum decided I needed to learn how to make curtains because she always made them for my various flats, and she was worried what would I do when she was no longer around to make them. After she died, I did make curtains following her instructions, and was gripped with a strange urge to learn how to make clothes. So I did a number of courses making first a bag and a cushion cover then skirts, trousers and a dress.
I really enjoy learning new things and it is even better if it involves gadgets. Everyone seems most bemused at my excitement about my overlocker - that is the special sewing machine that makes the chain stitch kind of thing that you see on the inside of clothes to stop seams fraying. It is AMAZING, I keep showing people the inside of my skirts so they can see and admire this AMAZINGNESS and they just back away like I am a madman saying 'who cares what it looks like on the inside' - or occasionally 'stop pulling up your skirt and showing me your legs - weirdo'.
So I like the sewing machines, but I also like the variety of material, the complication and fun of adjusting patterns and that you have something unique when you are finished. I have learnt to sew and now I love it.

Now, my brother and husband have suggested that enjoying sewing means I am finally turning in to my mum. In many ways turning in to her would not be bad, as she was many good things including brave, funny and clever. But the stereotype of turning in to your mother never seems to be about the good bits and as she got older she had a streak of bitterness and anger at life that I don't want. Having thought about it, my conclusion is that she had to fight harder to be what she wanted to be than I have. Her parents didn't want her to go to university, they wanted her to get married. In the end she got married then went to university and went on to become a proper bra burning feminist. I am very grateful she (and others) did because it has allowed me to take for granted many things that perhaps would have made her more fulfilled, such as studying engineering at university, working in technology and choosing not to have children.
But more than that it has allowed me to have much better relationships with the men in my life (personally, socially and professionally). Feminism as my mum did it, had a big 'all men are bastards' element to it - she said that a lot, while also trying to be less feminine and more masculine. But having grown up in a different time I can be free to believe that men and women are equal, but it is ok if they are different.

So, to conclude, after a slightly rocky start in appreciating sewing, I now get a great deal of satisfaction from it (even if it is not more frugal than buying clothes). It will always make me think of my mum, but I have argued, to my satisfaction at least, that having this and many other things in common with her doesn't mean I will turn in to her. Having led a different life I am free to have my own faults!

I now love this photo for a number of reasons
It reminds me that in the long run it doesn't matter if you do something embarrassing, people forget
It reminds me of all the lovely things my mum made and did for me.
and finally, it reminds me of the lesson that I eventually learnt from my mum. I think Dr Seuss put it perfectly - 'Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.'