I have written a lot about what we have been doing, but not much about what we have been feeling. It is easy to write chirpy blogs about issues when they are resolved and you are feeling positive, but much harder to sit down and find the words when you are in the middle of the problem or feeling down.
It is easy to imagine that we are on a permanent holiday because we are not 'working' in a paid job and that it is all chilled wine and cheese but let me assure you this is not the case!
Shortly after we got here there was a period where I felt quite scared and down because I feared we had taken on too much. Neither of us have actual practical skills - although you can see from the pig house that we are practical and able to work it out - or have done DIY much beyond a bit of painting and the house has so much wrong with it that is actually dangerous. Plus there are a number of pests (mice, bats, woodworm, ticks, ants) that don't bother one in London and at the moment the house has too many gaps and holes so it is hard to get them under control. On top of this there was dirt and grot EVERYWHERE and we were washing from a bucket and never felt clean (still are but maybe I am used to it a bit now - but can only cope with it in the summer, no way in the winter)
Things seem more possible now (although there are still stressful moments particularly if we get tired) since Marcus (our estate agent) helped us out with a number of trades people and advice as well as introducing us to some local English people. Although the dream isn't to be only part of an expat community, our French isn't good enough yet to be able to socialise much with locals plus it is nice to speak to other people who have taken on something similar to us and survived (french people seem less keen on burdening themselves with a wreck and often favour modern houses and clearly think the we are MAD - maybe they have a point...)
Not meant to be a moan, just an insight in to what is going on. There are fantastic things too and we always knew it would be difficult.
This is exactly what I find writing my blog. It is easy to say what one is doing - the outer life. I find it hard to write about the inner life most of the time. Perhaps (in my case) because I do not want to show too much raw emotion incase it frightens people.
ReplyDelete